In Large Part An Infection

Presently I sit in the Borders cafe, Michigan & Pearson, perched on the second floor, my  left shoulder touching the transparent balcony that surounds the quadratic opening looking down upon the entrance.  It is just past noon and the city is starting to bustle with activity.  A few hours prior this morning, I walked down Dearborn St, the single loveliest, most charming street in the city, surrounded by decadent town homes and immersed in rare Chicago tranquility.  The empty streets echoed with silence and all that could be heard was the occasional snow dripping from the naked tree limbs and my washed leather boots crunching the sidewalk, seasoned with salt.  A quiet smile expanded on my face as I smoked my first cigarette of the day, always the most succulent.

An older man, with slicked back white hair and a double breasted gray trench coat walked past me with his dog, a giant dark Mastiff, panting in excitement from his morning walk.  We nodded and exchanged morning pleasantries.  Shortly thereafter a woman, in her late 20’s, after rounding the corner from Goethe Ave onto Dearborn, comes jogging slowly towards me.  She is wearing black tights and a black North Face jacket, her sleek jet black hair is pulled back into a small bun; it bobs back and forth with her stride, like a wagging tail.  She nears and I can see her brown eyes, resolute but graceful as she moves towards me.  I’m wearing dark blue Levi Jeans and my black peacoat, buttoned tight against my body, the hood from my light colored Levi, striped button down shirt, hangs over my head like a head scarf.  She nears and we both watch each other.  Her gaze is powerful, laden with facile sensuality and delicacy; she keeps her eyes locked to mine.  I watch her, my eyes unwilling to abandon hers, as she approaches, mere feet away.  Momentarily, my heart slows and skips, then stops.  I feel death, birth and all of time in one moment as our shoulders graze, eyes locked, both smiling meekly.  I now see her closely as she is frozen in time next to me, mid stride.  She is lovely, her skin fair, her lips a lovely shade of scarlet.  I think of waking next to her tomorrow morning and eating breakfast together, no words being exchanged, only sharing each other’s company.  I reminisce upon our past, perhaps in another lifetime when we were lovers, intoxicated, obsessed with each other, living in our private nirvana.  She passes and acknowledges my supposition with a invisible confirmation deep inside her eye, down in her breast; from the place that gives her life.  We pass and my heart races, as I remove the remains of my shrunken cigarette from my mouth with my leather gloved hand, trembling slightly in shock, excitement, horror, sudden exhilaration.  I continue my walk south towards Division St., uninterested in turning around to see if she is looking.  The moment is entirely enough, and I smile in full force this time, flicking my cigarette butt into the surrounding snow; it extinguishes immediately.

Presently, I am enveloped in caffeinated adults that read and chat. I watch them, sipping on my own drink, a black coffee with soy milk, no sugar. The snow falls from the clouds outside, ever so lightly.  I stare at their faces, mouths opening and closing, almost in slow motion.  Eyebrows unfurl and curl; eyelids open and close, hands trace the air in exuberant illustration while the thumbs of others twiddle.  I don’t hear any external sounds as I listen to a song called “infiniti” by a band called The XX through noise reducing headphones probed deep in my ears.  Earlier as I was snooping around in Urban Outfitters, I heard the melody ringing through the store and was compelled to inquire about its identity.  Since then I have been looping the title on my Metallic Aluminum Unibody Mac, on which I currently write these words.  It has been played approximately 14 times in succession now.  The music, coupled with the orchestra of movement before me create a strange yet appealing arpeggio charm.  I am unusually happy, overflowing with love and exuberance.  Time passes quickly as human beings are spun in and out of my story through the revolving doors below me.  I feel terribly comfortable and content with the day, my life and the world at the current moment.  I am, otherwise, somewhat cynical and rather critical of this lifestyle and the people that occupy its confines.  But currently it is of no matter, in my universe, matters are in order.

There are no thoughts of murder, war, social inequality, health care, economy, obesity, consumer capitalism, moral degradation, greed, gluttony, loneliness, alienation, hate, envy, money...the future.  At this moment in time, I am happy and content with the room that I occupy and the people that sit around me.  There is a degree of normalcy that I am experiencing in this company of seemingly sane people all taking a break from an otherwise bizarre life.  Inevitably complicity awaits outside, manure.  I can already see the homeless littered on the streets like sandwich wrappers, lower middle income people lugging around colonies of bags, “Sale” it says.  They drag their sons and daughters, everyone seemingly carrying American Girl dolls, their eyes hollow and cold; taxi’s scream their horns as they lay unmoving in midday traffic...its so loud.  Somewhere a child sits alone, in a dark corner, its body slowly devouring itself, dying of dysentery; a former factory worker kisses his last drink, a banker arranges a multimillion dollar birthday party, held for his hopelessly jaded daughter, no humans will be in attendance.  

I nod to myself, look up at the ceiling, take a deep breath and recall the woman I saw this morning, the few friends I trust, my family and being a kid.  Air fills my lungs, I close my eyes and exhale, releasing my negativity.  The room seems brighter than a moment ago when my lights began to dim.  I am once again happy as I see a small child sleeping in his father’s arms on one of the lounge chairs adjacent to me.  I feel pretty good.  I hope to take that out through the revolving doors and carry it out into the world in the hopes that I will come across another person and infect them with my joy.